MY LADY'S GENTLEMAN TRIUMPHS OVER A SCORPION

My Lady's-Gentleman (PA but let's not tell him) came bearing my morning jug of espresso and two glasses of full-fat milk. He was full of beans. 'I've had an exciting night,' he boasted. 'Yes, I captured a scorpion. It was flat so I thought it might be dead but...'
I sorted through my correspondence only half listening to his chattering though to be fair I added the odd: 'fantastic' and 'gosh you are so brave'. Lady's Gentlemen need to feel appreciated.
Two friends are having their birthdays today, an offer on a flat I want to buy for my daughter has been rejected, several fans are clamouring for a Book 5 in the Calypso Chronicles and several more want to audition for the film. All I see though is that my agent has "no news" on my latest book. No News!
I took a sip of coffee as my Lady's Gentleman finished his tale oblivious to my silent breakdown. 'Eventually I caught it and it's down stairs in a glass.' He seemed pleased with himself so I said. 'Well done.'
‘I thought you might want to see it,' he suggested.
'See what?'
'The scorpion.'
I just looked at him blankly. 'See it? Why? I’ve lived in Africa and Asia. I've seen hundreds of scorpions.
'It's in a glass,' he pointed out still full of pride.
'You're not Christopher Robin, darling. Just chuck it outside,' I told him and went on with my breakdown.
A few hours later I wandered downstairs where in my perfect living room of divine serenety and gorgeousness I spotted a dirty glass with a Guardian CD of Great Speeches of the 20thC on top. 'What's this?' I asked, lifting the cd up and heading towards the kitchen with the glass. That was when the huge scorpion charge up my arm. I flicked it to the floor and it raced towards me. I screamed, 'Kill it! Kill it! Kill it!' Like a mad despot.
'Stop screaming!' He yelled.
'I'll stop screaming when you slap it dead with a slipper!' I screamed back.
'I can't concentrate with you screaming!' he bellowed, and on, and on and on it went until he finally resigned himself that I would only stop screaming until when the creature was dead.
Finally I heard a thwack.
'It's dead,' he confirmed.
I stopped screaming and listened to my Lady's Gentleman hammering the slipper (a very nice pale pink satin marabou concoction from Agent P,) against the floor boards.
Now he's cooking my lunch.
We have our moments but overall I think I hired the right Lady's Gentleman for the job!